I Miss the Old Me

I miss her almost as much as I miss my sister.

I miss being able to smile and laugh without it being fake.

I miss being the girl who got excited over small things. Like watching a cat video, seeing a new Disney film, getting addicted to a tv show, book series or song.

I miss being able to snuggle up warm in bed and drift off peacefully without the fear of having terrifying dreams.

I miss not having to carry this massive fucking weight on my chest each day.

I miss being able to look at tall buildings and balconies and thinking of them as nice, comforting homes rather than weapons.

I miss feeling warm, safe and unconditionally loved, and not questioning the mind of everyone close to me.

I never knew how good I had it till the old me was murdered. I took her for granted, and now I can never have her back.

RIP "Old Annie", 27 March 1991 - 16 August 2020